Archives - May 2009

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.

Speeches are like steer horns --- a point here, a point there and a lot of bull in between.

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.

Do what you can with what you have where you are.

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

If you think education is expensive --- try ignorance.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

The hand that holds the quills controls history.

Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you.

All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.

Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.

Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.

All music is folk music. I ain't ever heard no horse sing a song.

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.

When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.

They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.

The better we feel about ourselves, the fewer times we have to knock somebody else down to feel tall.

I'd heard it all the time, 'Live in the moment.' But if I did that, I'd weigh more than a dump truck. Losing weight wasn't about the moment at all; it was about having faith in the future. It was about knowing there would be another meal in a few hours.

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One representing danger and the other represents opportunity.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.

The one thing more difficult than following a regimen is not imposing it on others.

Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.