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Archives - May 2009

May 1, 2009

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

– Doug Larson

May 2, 2009

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

– Kin Hubbard

May 3, 2009

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

– Robert Benchley

May 4, 2009

Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

– Shari R. Barr

May 5, 2009

When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.

– Herman Hesse

May 6, 2009

Speeches are like steer horns --- a point here, a point there and a lot of bull in between.

– Evelyn Anderson

May 7, 2009

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

– Jonathan Swift

May 8, 2009

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.

– Bob Thaves, "Frank and Ernest"

May 9, 2009

Do what you can with what you have where you are.

– Theodore Roosevelt

May 10, 2009

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

– Peter De Vries

May 11, 2009

If you think education is expensive --- try ignorance.

– Derek C. Bok

May 12, 2009

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

– Kurt Vonnegut

May 13, 2009

The hand that holds the quills controls history.

– Charles L. Blockson

May 14, 2009

Dreams are illustrations...from the book your soul is writing about you.

– Marsha Norman

May 15, 2009

All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.

– Brendan Behan

May 16, 2009

Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.

– Gertrude Stein, EVERYBODY'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

May 17, 2009

Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you.

– Mary Bly

May 18, 2009

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

– Erma Bombeck

May 19, 2009

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

– Lily Tomlin

May 20, 2009

Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself.

– Doris Lessing

May 21, 2009

All music is folk music. I ain't ever heard no horse sing a song.

– Louis Armstrong

May 22, 2009

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

– H. L. Mencken

May 23, 2009

The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.

– Don Marquis

May 24, 2009

When we are dreaming alone, it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.

– Dom Hélder Câmara

May 25, 2009

They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.

– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

May 26, 2009

The better we feel about ourselves, the fewer times we have to knock somebody else down to feel tall.

– Odetta

May 27, 2009

I'd heard it all the time, 'Live in the moment.' But if I did that, I'd weigh more than a dump truck. Losing weight wasn't about the moment at all; it was about having faith in the future. It was about knowing there would be another meal in a few hours.

– Stephanie Klein, MOOSE

May 28, 2009

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One representing danger and the other represents opportunity.

– John F. Kennedy

May 29, 2009

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

– George Carlin

May 30, 2009

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.

– Robert Orben

May 31, 2009

The one thing more difficult than following a regimen is not imposing it on others.

– Marcel Proust