Mom drives slowly and carefully. I sip ginger ale and watch the highway flash by. Suddenly, a terrifying thought hits me upside the head with its sweaty palm.

What the hell did I do with my teenage years?

I didn’t volunteer or play sports. I didn’t become a radical warrior princess on my sixteenth birthday, complete with a talking cat and magically appearing clothes. Hogwarts didn’t even send me a letter, and I haven’t actually forgiven them for that. Wait until I go to London and find Platform Nine and-Three-Quarters and slip through to the other side and unleash my rage. I’ll make Voldemort look like a sock puppet. And I’ll make out with Draco. And I’ll train a bunch of house elves to fan me and bring me grapes—

I stop when I realize I’m writing mental Harry Potter fan fiction on my way to college. Focus! I need at least seven whole focuses if I’m going to make a fabulous impression. Or any impression at all. I’d rather make a bad impression than no impression.

As Mom pulls onto the exit, I sigh.

I didn’t even kiss a boy. For realsies, anyway. Not-drunk.

I did other things. I held hands and hugged. Nameless pretended real hard to be nice using hugs and hand-holding. Once or twice he even hinted he thought I was pretty. But it was an act, just to build me up before he tore me down. And it was all before the big it. Little it. It’s not even worthy of a prefix. It’s just “it.”

I have to leave that behind, too. There’s no room for that. Not if I want to move on with my life. I’ve done my best to bury it, ignore it until it goes away, and it’s sort of worked. I got far enough to sleep in a bed with Jack without freaking out. So I’m getting better, and that’s real good to know. It gives me a little bit of hope where there used to be none.

Jack helped me realize that I’m not unlovable. I’m not hopeless.

I’m not all ugly.

Or maybe I realized it on my own. Either way, fighting with him helped me realize lots of stuff. I grew up all kinds of ways. A sharp pain radiates in my chest, but I brush that dirt off my shoulder and watch Mom’s smile.