Super Mario turns 40 and is forced to “take-a stock” of his life and how “messed up it’s-a become.” Goliath struggles to control the media narrative in the lead-up to his death match against David, a small, beloved child. And a long-discarded participation trophy reminisces about the glorious field day in 1993, when he wound up in the arms of a jubilant, asthmatic Simon Rich. High-stakes and heartfelt, this hilarious and powerful collection of short stories mourns the death of youthful innocence and hails the beginning of something approximating wisdom.

Called a “comedic Godsend” by Conan O’Brien and “the Stephen King of comedy writing” by John Mulaney, Simon Rich is back with NEW TEETH, his funniest and most personal collection yet. Two murderous pirates find a child stowaway on board and attempt to balance pillaging with co-parenting. A woman raised by wolves prepares for her parents’ annual Thanksgiving visit. An aging mutant superhero is forced to learn humility when the mayor kicks him upstairs to a desk job. And in the hard-boiled caper “The Big Nap,” a weary two-year-old detective struggles to make sense of “a world gone mad.”

Humorist Simon Rich is back with a hilarious new collection of stories about dreaming big and falling flat, about ordinary people desperate for stardom, and the stars who are bored by having it all. Inspired by Rich's real experiences in Hollywood, HITS AND MISSES chronicles all the absurdity of fame and success alongside the heartbreaking humanity of failure. From a bitter tell-all by the horse Paul Revere rode to greatness, to a gushing magazine profile of everyone's favorite World War II dictator, these stories roam across time and space to skewer our obsession with making it big --- from the days of ancient Babylon to the age of TMZ.