THE TAO OF SELF-CONFIDENCE digs into the cultural and historical issues that affect potential and self-confidence, especially for Asian women. Sheena Yap Chan offers a way to find the inner leader that may have been kept back because of various traumas.

The first 75 pages of this must-read delve into the diversity of the Asian community, which the West has historically “lumped” as one race or culture, and the challenges they face as a result. Yap Chan’s thorough research reminds us that Asia consists of 49 sovereign countries and more than 4.7 billion people who speak 2,300 languages. The concept of model minority has distilled all Asians into one with unrealistic pressures and expectations that have had adverse effects on generations of Asians and Asian Americans.

"[T]he ultimate takeaway is that, with work and recognition of your traumas and fears, you can find a way through them and come out on the other side a better you, and maybe even a leader. And this is true for anyone."

For Asian women, obstacles rooted in centuries-old stereotypes persist in keeping them from achieving or being perceived as leadership potential. Yap Chan describes the various typecasts, from the submissive Asian woman to the hyper-sexualized; she acknowledges that these characterizations are exaggerated and demeaning. Hollywood and the media have not helped, as even today they limit, for the most part, the roles that Asian women play to the geisha, the submissive wife, the comic relief and the maid. (The good news on this front, of course, is the breakout movie Everything Everywhere All at Once, which straddled many genres and arguably gave us our first Asian female superhero in Michelle Yeoh’s lead character.) Other industries are just as guilty. Yap Chan quotes a study from Who Rules America that shows only six Asian women were CEOs in Fortune 500 companies between 2000 and 2020.

The Asian culture has several standards, also dating way back, that have been walls for women’s progress. The pressure to get married, the need to be perfect (including unrealistic beauty ideals), and the fear of failure weigh on Asians to the point that suicide is the leading cause of death for Asian Americans ages 15 to 24.

As if that’s not enough, Yap Chan also goes into detail about the intergenerational traumas (often four or more generations deep) that Asian women often face. On the journey to becoming a leader --- or even just a better you --- recognizing and dealing with these traumas are key. The emotional, physical, sociological and psychological effects of arranged marriages, foot binding, the inability to bear a son, dowries, menstruation isolation and so many other ordeals have been passed down in families. And while many of these practices no longer happen, the residual effects still weigh on women and make them feel small.

Uncovering all of the above, facing it and unlocking the effect is at the core of the rest of THE TAO OF SELF-CONFIDENCE. Yap Chan shares her personal traumas and those of some of her family members. She lists a few potential conflicts that others may have faced, including racial and gender trauma. For instance, in the wake of COVID-19 and the rise of Asian hatred, the number of attacks --- verbal and physical --- against Asians wracked the entire Asian community. Yap Chan is quick to recognize (and rightly so) that trauma is personal, even if it does stem from centuries of cultural norms and can surface in unusual ways. She recounts a trip to the dentist to treat canker sores that she learned probably developed because of stress. And she reminds the reader that “sometimes your greatest strength can come from being vulnerable.”

Yap Chan offers multiple possible healing devices intended to help with healing and building confidence, from opening your chakras to (yes, you are reading this next part correctly) K-dramas for escapism. “It’s Okay not to be okay” is one of the gems I took from the book. It’s so simple, but it’s perfectly wonderful advice --- a reminder that sometimes you must allow yourself to feel what you are feeling to get past it or accept it. And self-love is important. Women have been taught to take care of all those around them, often at the expense of their own self-care, and we need to correct this.

Finally, building up self-confidence takes three steps: believing in yourself, educating yourself and taking action. The entirety of the book has focused on Asian women, but in the end, these final chapters are really for all women and anyone who has experienced the feeling of being less than because of gender, race, age or other factors. This final piece of advice from the book is one that I will carry with me forever: the 51% rule. You don’t need to believe in yourself 100%; you need to believe in yourself a little bit more than you don’t believe in yourself, and 51% is that magic number.

THE TAO OF SELF-CONFIDENCE is chock full of history lessons about what Asian women have endured in life and continue to battle against. But the ultimate takeaway is that, with work and recognition of your traumas and fears, you can find a way through them and come out on the other side a better you, and maybe even a leader. And this is true for anyone.