America’s stellar political satirist, Carl Hiaasen, is back for his latest tweak on American society. Following the release of RAZOR GIRL in 2016, he had been nearly silent in the book world. His day job as a columnist at the Miami Herald entertains Floridians with his witty jabs at society and local politics, but he has been missed as a novelist.

Wait! Was the siren call of a U.S. presidential election just too juicy to ignore? In SQUEEZE ME, Hiaasen aims his rapier wit directly at the man of the hour, POTUS. Known in the book to the Secret Service by the code name "Mastodon," he and his wife, "Mockingbird," soak up the sun and enjoy the fundraising season at the Winter White House in Palm Springs. Posh palatial dinners attract streams of vehicles from stretch limos to Bugatti Chirons, as golfers, billionaire industrialists and fat-cat contributors pile out to press flesh, drink and schmooze with their kind.

"Only Hiaasen could unravel the tale of a Hispanic groundskeeper, an attractive wildlife wrangler, a journalist, a tanning bed technician...and a politician who never met a press conference he couldn’t resist, and turn it into a rollicking read."

This evening, a clutch of ladies of a certain age who refer to themselves as the POTUS Pussies are hosting a fundraiser for some rare disease. A savvy publicist catches their name before the poster goes to press and diplomatically persuades them to change it to POTUSSIES for reasons that are unclear to them, but is a relief to the staff. 

The women gather regularly as members of Casa Bellicosa to rub elbows with distinguished visitors, pose for photos and liberally imbibe gin and tonics. Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons hosts tonight’s gala, and the ladies have worked up a routine for the big finale. Kiki, after several drinks, tipsily leaves the party following their performance. It is the last time she is seen alive. All that is found the next morning is her handbag, a single designer shoe and one rare pearl earring, lying next to a pond near the croquet court.

Enter Angie Armstrong. Usually called to rescue stray wildlife, she responds to an urgent call from Casa Bellicosa. A giant snake is seen stretched along a limb near the croquet court pond. Angie cannot safely rescue the hostile reptile with a large bulge in its mid-section. Too dangerous to capture on her own with no guns allowed on the grounds, she borrows a machete from the head groundskeeper, Mauricio. Problem solved. Someone will be called to retrieve the corpse.

The next morning, friends hear that Kiki is missing, and the investigation finds that Jesús, a groundskeeper, was the last person seen in the area. While driving a large mower, trimming up the croquet court for the evening event, he left the engine running to take a bathroom break. The engine overheated, scorching the sod. Jesús, who does not have a green card, panicked as he knew he would be fired. Mauricio fixed the sod and bid Jesús farewell. Another illegal immigrant is on the run, and the snake carcass has disappeared.

That’s all the occupant of Casa Bellicosa needs to hear. Suspicious of Jesús and raging hordes of illegal immigrants, POTUS calls a press conference to announce the search for his very dearest friend, Kiki (he misreads the teleprompter and calls her Kikey). In reality, he may have shaken her hand once in a receiving line or had his picture taken with her.

Later that day, the First Lady’s limo is halted due to a headless, giant python blocking the road. The body ends up disappearing, and Jesús cannot be found. His name becomes a movement. Illegal alien hordes are to blame. Marches and signs ensue.

Reality check here: Pythons are a rapidly growing problem in the Everglades. The cute baby snakes are bought as pets, and as they quickly outgrow their cages, then bathtubs, they are freed into the Everglades, a friendly habitat for these jungle natives. Pythons are multiplying by the thousands in Florida swamps. A sighting on personal property is not unheard of.

Precious rare pearl smugglers, drug dealers, construction workers --- a cast of dozens become involved. Only Hiaasen could unravel the tale of a Hispanic groundskeeper, an attractive wildlife wrangler, a journalist, a tanning bed technician (who pops up later, along with a sexy Secret Service agent), and a politician who never met a press conference he couldn’t resist, and turn it into a rollicking read.

So, as hurricanes breach our southern borders, forest fires ravage the southwest, protests erupt, and a virus threatens the entire planet, it is politics 24/7 on television --- where there is nothing but reruns anyway.

SQUEEZE ME is your escape.