Death isn't exactly something we enjoy talking about, and we tend to put off the discussion until circumstances force us to face its reality. All too often, by then it's too late, or very nearly so. That's why, as soon as a loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, we need to get the conversation started --- and that's when a book like Melody Rossi's MAY I WALK YOU HOME? becomes an indispensable and invaluable resource.

Divided into four sections that parallel the journey from the initial diagnosis to the grief that lives on long after the patient has died, the book wastes little time and few words. Rossi chooses to plunge right in and offer immediate support and guidance to those who are reeling from the impending loss of a loved one. And she's wise in doing so. When a loved one --- or anyone in your sphere of influence --- is dying, you need help, and you need it now. Rossi packs a great deal of information and encouragement into this well-organized, 100-page volume. Caregivers should have no problem finding the help they need at the moment they need it.

The first section describes Rossi's experiences with the deaths of her parents, her stepmother and a close friend, all within a short time span, and how life came to be defined in two segments: before and after each diagnosis. That, she says, is to be expected, and trying to live from any other perspective is a form of denial. But she believes the post-diagnosis segment also can be a time of tremendous spiritual opportunity, a time when the dying --- even those who had been hostile toward faith --- are frequently open to God's activity in their lives. They experience that activity in any number of ways, with one of the most effective ways being our willingness to serve them and try to meet their very real needs.

Part two offers the tools you'll need to care for your loved one (and yourself), and here Rossi makes the journey metaphor a tangible one by describing the equipment you'll need: a roadmap to help you keep the destination in mind, proper shoes for the rugged path you'll be walking, access to GPS (God's Positioning System) for course corrections along the way, emergency information (in a chapter that includes one of the best suggestions I've seen for organizing vital data) and "traveler's assistance," guidance on creating a support team that can include friends and family, Internet groups, local chapters of disease-specific organizations such as the American Cancer Society, and --- the one nearest to my heart --- nonprofit hospice services. Like Rossi, as a hospice volunteer, the only regret I've heard caregivers utter with regard to hospice is that they didn't avail themselves of the service sooner.

The third section includes an important chapter on spiritual warfare, something too often overlooked in other books on death and dying. Those who are dying sometimes undergo such extreme personality changes that they send their caregivers packing; a normally docile patient can become hateful and belligerent, using language that would have made them blush only months earlier. (Whether or not this is a spiritual problem, if spiritual warfare is what it takes to get you through it, then I say go for it.) Chapters in this section also cover endurance, with a critically important reminder that caregiving is a choice; a look at God's covenants and how they apply to care for the dying; and the main points to consider when making funeral arrangements.

Part four covers the death itself and the grief that follows. Two of the most important topics in the book appear here: one, the spiritual topic of forgiveness, and the second, the physical signs of imminent death. The first is vital, because any lingering unforgiveness between you and your loved one robs both of you of the peace that the patient needs now and that you will need for the rest of your life. The second will help you not only to prepare for the patient's death but also to make sense of the sometimes puzzling behavior of one who is dying.

It's unlikely that you'll pick up this book and read it unless someone near to you is terminally ill. But you may want to make note of the title --- because someday, you may be in the position of caring for someone who is dying, and when that day comes, you may find that MAY I WALK YOU HOME? has become your constant companion. For those now caring for the dying, it's well worth reading --- even if death is imminent.