Think of aging, and you might think of loss of health, depleted income, decreased usefulness and, of course, death. Or maybe you think of nursing homes with Nurse Ratchets in stony attendance or the song “Old and Gray and Only in the Way.” No wonder so many people dread getting older. But do you have to give in to this depressing point of view? Not according to the wise, witty and brilliantly comforting LIGHTER AS WE GO: Virtues, Character Strengths, and Aging, by Mindy Greenstein and Jimmie Holland. Using personal anecdotes, fascinating history and practical advice, the authors show that the end part of life can actually be a beginning.

Part of the pleasure of the book is how personal it is, told from the perspectives of 50-year-old Mindy and 85-year-old Jimmie, as well as cameos from various exceptional elders. It’s a personal review, too, in that I know Mindy, and my own mother, now 97, is transitioning from independent living to assisted living, so the book has special meaning for me. 

"Filled with revelations, LIGHTER AS WE GO shows that old age can have its miracles. I know this to be true, because my mother fell in love for the first time at 93."

Both Mindy and Jimmie lead us into their lives and show us how age impacts them in positive ways. Mindy, a clinical psychiatrist, was diagnosed with breast cancer before she turned 50 and worried that she might not live to see her dotage. But having the disease suddenly put everything into perspective for her. How lucky it would be to be an 80-year-old woman! What an opportunity to appreciate every second she now has! Jimmie still practices and teaches psychiatry, and she’s the founder of the Vintage Readers Book Club, a kind of grandmother-granddaughter book club that helps both generations learn from each other.

The authors explore history to see our changing attitudes about the old. Elders in the Middle Ages were expected to retire and transfer their lands and moneys to their kids, and in return, they’d be taken care of, if they were lucky. Perhaps our greatest play about aging, Shakespeare’s “King Lear,” was found too disturbing for people and was given a happy ending 75 years after Shakespeare put it on stage. Nowadays, we still revere youth, but age has begun to interest us as well. Just recently the New York Times Magazine ran an article about people in their 80s and 90s, including documentary filmmaker Frederick Wiseman (84) and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (81), who are all still writing, filming, acting, deciding legal issues and following their passions. Aging doesn’t mean a thing to any of them, except to make the most of every moment.

So how can we decrease our fears and increase our sense of possibility? By knowing who we are as we age. By learning to love and appreciate the transcendent moments of life. Find a passion, whether it’s painting or reading to children. Think beyond yourself and help others. Have a sense of humor. Practice forgiveness. 

It’s important, too, to act as an example for young people, disproving outmoded views on aging, particularly because of a 2009 study that showed that people who have negative views of aging are more likely to have serious disease when they are older. 

Filled with revelations, LIGHTER AS WE GO shows that old age can have its miracles. I know this to be true, because my mother fell in love for the first time at 93.