“Of all the things about parenting I dislike, this one may be the one I dislike the most: our children's messy development reveals the mess within us as parents.”

This is the kind of honesty and transparency that Milan and Kay Yerkovich reveal throughout this insightful book. They write with the authority of those who have lived the very issues that they tackle. So, reading HOW WE LOVE OUR KIDS is like sitting down with a mentor who knows exactly what you’re going through --- a mentor who has experienced change and has no illusions about the work that is needed to accomplish it. However, the result --- a well-adjusted child who is easily on his way to becoming a healthy and secure adult --- is definitely worth the effort.

"HOW WE LOVE OUR KIDS stresses the importance of recognizing the causes of conflict. Then it provides some excellent tools that teach how to resolve the conflict and repair any damage that might have been done to the relationship."

From their years of parenting, counseling, pastoring and research, the Yerkovichs have developed a system through which we can discover the love style that is most prominent in our lives. Through this self-awareness, we can understand more clearly why we seem to react to certain triggers in ways that are often more harmful than helpful. Naturally, our children pick up on our responses and may become reactive themselves. We also learn that once we discover what our triggers are --- usually some unresolved issues from the past ---  we can acknowledge it. And oddly enough, taking responsibility for our personal triggers often provides a resolution. Once exposed and expressed, they seem to lose power.

In HOW WE LOVE OUR KIDS, the authors go into detail about the love styles and the importance of understanding ourselves in order to have healthy, secure and loving relationships. These love styles affect our spouses, friends, family and our children. They all have certain characteristics that require change in order to improve our interactions. Therein lies the key to a successful marriage and successful parenting. Darn.

You mean, I can't just change my kid's behavior? I have to look at myself and change the way I'm doing something? Yep. But it's such a relief to see some progress and improvement that the journey becomes a joy instead of a chore.

As Christians, many folks say, “I'm a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all things are new.” That is very true, and God does heal our past hurts so that we can move forward. However, our amazing minds are often able to hide traumatic events so well that our conscious mind does not remember them. And we may have imprints from infancy that we cannot name. Yet, these may be the very unresolved issues that trigger some of our less than desirable behaviors.

HOW WE LOVE OUR KIDS stresses the importance of recognizing the causes of conflict. Then it provides some excellent tools that teach how to resolve the conflict and repair any damage that might have been done to the relationship. There are chapters devoted to helping children who are unique, including those who are introverted, free-spirited, determined, sensitive and premature. Within each section there is a breakdown according to the child's age, from infant to teen. In addition, there is a section that includes the “Parent Toolbox” so the reader can get started immediately.

If you can't wait to find out what your love style is, go to www.howwelove.com and take the free assessment. Enjoy the journey.