As a licensed professional counselor for over 18 years, Kimberly Beair has certainly seen people struggling with the fallout of bad relationships. And in FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN WHAT? one gets the sense that she has found the culprit behind so many broken hearts and souls --- the powerful phrase "happily ever after."

Beair hits this fairy tale square on the jaw in her fourth paragraph: "I need to burst a bubble of mythology that says good marriages 'just happen.' Not true. All relationships are complicated, and maintaining a successful one requires a great deal of work on the part of both individuals involved. This remains true for every stage of the relationships." Point to Beair.

And don't think Beair has forgotten about another popular romantic foe. She also has her sights on "you complete me." She writes: "One person 'completing' another implies a person is not 'whole' prior to a relationship. We were not created missing anything for the good of our lives, and we have the capability to be complete while standing alone, outside of a romantic relationship. 'You complement me' doesn't roll off the tongue or inspire romance as easily, but it is a more healthy way of looking at relationships."

Beair continues to land punches in her crusade on behalf of happy marriages in 10 chapters that include observations about different kinds of love, encouragement toward self-understanding and (always) the specter of the difficulty intrinsic in real relationships. Each chapter ends with Reality Check and Write It Down sections that include suggested activities, books to read and questions to ponder.

Speaking of theses questions to ponder, FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN WHAT? could also be titled “Love for People Who Like Lists.” There are a lot of lists suggested in this book, most notably the one that readers are encouraged to create and stick to that outlines every positive and negative trait in their hoped-for mate.

Lists make me nervous insofar as they become rigid maps for life and suggest that we can be in a kind of control of our lives that doesn't always make room for God. Beair is clearly concerned to present a biblical vision of marriage and life, but her attempts to codify what ingredients add up to success on the relationship front sometimes seem to promote the idea that if one does things in just the right way, a happy marriage is inevitable. Which is its own kind of "happily ever after" myth.

That said, Beair is a formidable fighter for fidelity. FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN WHAT? does offer a lot of actionable practical advice for people trying to navigate confusing relational waters. It's an especially profitable read for those who have suffered through the trauma of failed relationships. Beair has much to say to help readers assess bad patterns and habits that have already manifested themselves toward the goal of reshaping them for the sake of future happiness. Point to the reader.