Most of us in our 40s or older are painfully familiar with the term “sandwich generation.” In fact, too many of us live exhausted lives, trying to be the all-serving filling between progressively needier slabs of bread. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Sorry, not a chance. And, by the way, welcome to the long-lived (and often longer-ill) 21st century.

With aging relatives on one side and immediate families on the other, more and more North American baby boomers are seeing themselves trapped, not just in your basic sandwich situation, but in a sociocultural panini press from which they finally emerge with deep psychological grill marks.

In her short but powerful memoir, FINAL GIFTS, noted American author-essayist Carol Mithers recounts how the decline and death of four over-80 adults --- her mother-in-law, father-in-law, aunt and mother --- fully consumed five years of what should have been, statistically, her best mid-life decade. Statisticians should have a second look at that assertion!

"After reading FINAL GIFTS twice, I still can’t fathom how Mithers made it through a geographical and logistical nightmare that certainly would leave many strong people completely emptied out, bitter and aged beyond their years."

As the urgent physical, medical, emotional, intellectual and legal needs of one elderly relative after another piled on top of Mithers’ already busy life as wife, parent and writer, she reflected how similar some aspects of middle-aged “sandwiching” are to being a first-time parent.

The mess, sleeplessness, tantrums and constant vigilance were oddly familiar --- but with everything going in the opposite direction from what our children achieve over time. Like numerous unacknowledged and unsupported caregivers of the ultra-old-elderly --- those whose prelude to death can take decades, thanks to the wonders of modern science --- Mithers had to witness a surreal reversal into infancy that accompanies conditions such as dementia and acute physical decline.

After reading FINAL GIFTS twice, I still can’t fathom how Mithers made it through a geographical and logistical nightmare that certainly would leave many strong people completely emptied out, bitter and aged beyond their years. But there are some telling and heartwarming clues throughout her sometimes-frantic pages: precious memories shared, moments of profound gratitude, patience rewarded, unexpected help and revelations from deep within oneself.

No one would sanely choose to be the almost-sole caregiver of four simultaneously fragile elders at once. And no one would argue that “sandwich generation” families don’t need far more social support than they get, even in the most enlightened countries.

But Carol Mithers’ reflection on this long and very tough journey is much more than one person’s “holy lament” about a situation we all recognize, even if we’ve been spared her heavy responsibilities so far. Somehow, she saw through 1,001 immediate difficulties and captured a sense of legacy that all humans deserve a chance to share. Her title, “Final Gifts,” says it all with a poignancy no review can contest.