Skip to main content

Bite Me: A Love Story


Bite Me: A Love Story

If you (like me) have ever rolled your eyes at the sadly
repeated vampire lore in books and movies and yet truthfully still
haven't been able to extricate yourself from the fascination of it,
then you simply must read BITE ME. This book, the third and last of
the series, takes readers down the same bloody path of carnage as
all the other vampire stories --- complete with deranged vampiric
animals, idolatrous human minions, snarling nosferatu killers and
the humans who hunt them --- all while making you laugh raucously
at the ridiculousness of it.

BITE ME is a romantic dark comedy that is primarily
character-driven. Following BLOODSUCKING FIENDS and YOU SUCK, this
third book centers on an unexplained vampire threat that is
beginning to take out the city of San Francisco. Essentially the
novel's focus is on the strange likability of the main characters:
Allison Green, a "tres cute" petite Goth girl who goes by the name
of "Abby Normal" and happily serves a scary-cute vampire couple;
Jody and Tommy, the vamp couple who found love in their undead
existence; Foo Dog, Abby's sexy science-genius boyfriend whose real
name is Stephen Wong and who has come up with a vampire cure in his
science lab/love nest; Jared, Abby's strange, rat-loving friend who
sports a mohawk and hangs out with her and the vamps; Okata, a
Japanese swordsman who shows up on the scene to revive a burnt-up
undead girl; Rivera and Cavuto, two cops trying to eradicate the
vampiric threat, which has taken out three-quarters of the homeless
in San Francisco; The Emperor, a crazy homeless guy who chases
after mutant undead; Elijah, Rolf, Bella and other centuries-old
nosferatu; and Chet, a mutant vampire who's the source of much of
the trouble.

Most of the above characters narrate different sections of the
book, though Abby is the main narrator through most of it. And let
me tell you, she is a very strange, funny girl. She's
bleak-looking, skinny and full of "Gothy-Anglo charms," caring very
much about her own threatening appearance and reveling in the idea
of a future life as a gorgeous undead goddess-killer. She's into
brooding and self-loathing but has friends who don't share most of
her qualities, possessing a remarkably quick sense of humor and an
ability to leave you wondering what on Earth she means. She
naturally cuddles up to the bloodsucking fiends she works for, and
with her pale skin, black lipstick, sometimes purple hair,
"Skankenstein" platform boots, and numerous tattoos and piercings
(some in plain sight), she makes quite the spooky-sexy girl

Starting out most of her new thoughts with the word "kayso,"
Abby narrates with a unique style of girlfriend chat based on
trendy pop culture lingo. She's absolutely crazy about her
boyfriend, Foo Dog, and much of her story revolves around her
romantic ideas about their "white-hot love," taking readers right
into their sexy-strange love nest. It says something about Abby
(and Foo Dog) that she slaps him hard across the face every time
she jumps his bones just so he won't ever get the idea "that she's
a slut"!?

I can't emphasize enough how funny BITE ME is, and I’m
convinced it would be impossible for anyone not to crack up at
least once every few pages. Though, if you're put off by a little
raunchy humor or foul language, this wouldn't be the right series
for you. The off-color humor is unique, ridiculously surly, perky
and pleasantly corrupt. The book has the feel of a cult classic,
and what starts out merely as strange and amusing becomes a story
you can't pull yourself away from a dozen chuckles later.

Reviewed by Melanie Smith on December 22, 2010

Bite Me: A Love Story
by Christopher Moore

  • Publication Date: April 1, 2010
  • Genres: Fiction
  • Hardcover: 320 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow
  • ISBN-10: 0061779725
  • ISBN-13: 9780061779725