AWAKE is not Jen Hatmaker’s first book, but it is her most personal. Each chapter is a short, quick read, serving as a peek into her life before, during and after her marriage --- hence the headings “The End,” “The Middle” and “The Beginning.” Throughout her memoir, Jen’s well-known humor surfaces again and again, reminding her and the reader that she will survive this.

“The End” is the revelation of how Jen learned that her husband of 26 years, Brandon, was having an affair. (Believe it or not, he had the audacity to dictate a conversation to his lover while Jen was asleep next to him in their bed.) In this section, she describes the collapse of not only her relationship but her faith as well.

"In the tradition of books like EAT, PRAY, LOVE...AWAKE is about a woman finding that she loves herself --- that she is enough and doesn’t have to be defined by patriarchy and marriage."

Jen already had tested the waters of belief by championing pro-choice rights, the LGBTQ community and more in previous writings, podcasts and speaking appearances. But in AWAKE, she explores an upbringing that focused on purity until marriage and marriage as an ultimate goal for women: “I reject that patriarchal narrative that says this is how men should be, this is how women should be, and this is how power dynamics should be.” With hindsight, she realizes that getting married as a sophomore in college may not have been the best choice, but it was a choice that she had been directed towards and no one questioned her --- especially her parents, who also married young.

In “The Middle,” Jen begins her transformation from a dependent wife, albeit with a strong career, to an independent woman, parent and human being. It starts by meeting with “Steve,” a financial planner: “This is humiliating, especially for someone who teaches independence and autonomy to women.” She had zero knowledge of her own financial situation and had to learn fast. Part of her journey is following the advice of Brené Brown, because she doesn’t “believe we are legally allowed to disobey Brené Brown.” Her ever-present sense of humor is a lifesaver as she navigates being a single mom, running a household on her own, and continuing her career in the wake of the biggest disruption she has ever experienced.

“The Beginning” is Jen’s discovery of Me Camp, saying yes to whatever comes her way. On a month-long visit to Maine, she gives herself permission to do what she is moved to do in the moment, and she feels “utterly, completely awake and alive.” That first summer becomes a tradition of solo travel akin to “a Hallmark summer romance movie…but the romance is with myself.”

Don’t get me wrong. Jen is still faithful. But if she cemented any of her beliefs through her divorce --- and probably the writing of this book --- it is the realization that faith is subjective: “You get to look for the Spirit however you want.” The rules, the rituals and even the celebrations should be treated as guidelines, not restrictive measures that fate us to repeat the same mistakes of those who came before us. In her words, she is “a powerful co-creator in my own life.” She is still finding God, “just not where I used to think He lived.”

In the tradition of books like EAT, PRAY, LOVE (there’s even a chapter devoted to Jen’s one-off cookbook adventure), AWAKE is about a woman finding that she loves herself --- that she is enough and doesn’t have to be defined by patriarchy and marriage.