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Blood Orange Night: A Memoir of Insomnia, Motherhood, and Benzos

Review

Blood Orange Night: A Memoir of Insomnia, Motherhood, and Benzos

When a newly pregnant Melissa Bond begins to hallucinate while caring for her son with Down syndrome, she realizes that her issues with sleeplessness are not getting any better. In fact, all the medications her doctors have put her on (benzodiazepines) are making her even more unglued than her insomnia. BLOOD ORANGE NIGHT is Bond’s heart-wrenching depiction of the overprescribing of sleep meds and the harrowing journey back from the physical and mental distress created by the medical establishment.

We know that America is on fire about prescription drug abuse, which of course is a real thing. The fact that these intense situations are often caused by doctors handing anyone and everyone pills to ease every possible medical need is not only often reckless but insane. Bond’s terrifying descent into the instability caused by this dangerous mistake by a medical professional is a cautionary tale for literally everyone looking to get treated for any ailment.

"[Bond] works so hard to right the leaning tower of her life that we cannot help but think of her as a heroic figure. It is her distinctive honesty and candor that will make her a heroine you will not soon forget."

“I feel more and more closed in, as if the very walls of the house are shrinking. I’ve gone from averaging seven hours of sleep a night to five to three. By September, four months after my first prescription, I’m averaging two and a half hours. Two and a half. It’s inhuman. Even with the pharmaceutical giants and their golden pills, on some nights I don’t sleep at all and merely walk from room to hazy room in a cloud of doped-up anxiety.” Bond doesn’t waste time feeling sorry for herself. She’s downright angry and tells her story without a hint of pity or self-flagellation, laying the blame at the feet of practitioners where it belongs.

With a young son receiving occupational therapy and a difficult second pregnancy happening simultaneously to the sleeplessness that launches her into dire straits, Bond’s ability to be a good mother becomes a topic of discussion. Having lost her job at a local magazine, thanks to the 2008 recession, she is trying to write a book about her experiences with her son as she juggles a difficult patch in her marriage and the needs of a newborn. As her husband grows more distant, she feels as if she’s alone, struggling to stay afloat in every aspect of her life. Any one of these responsibilities could throw someone over the edge, so it is not hard to empathize with her.

Bond’s conversational style draws in readers and makes them care about her and her children as if they are characters in a psychological thriller. She builds her story, tense and high-stakes as it is, with razor-sharp observations and emotionally vulnerable incidents from the family life she is trying so hard not to let unravel. In no way does BLOOD ORANGE NIGHT sensationalize the traumas it conveys. There is no poetry in what she is exploring here; it is tough terrain, and her straight-ahead tone matches the seriousness of the material.

Bond’s story is also triumphant. She works so hard to right the leaning tower of her life that we cannot help but think of her as a heroic figure. It is her distinctive honesty and candor that will make her a heroine you will not soon forget.

Motherhood, the medical establishment and its attitude towards women, caring for a special needs child, maintaining a vibrant romantic relationship, the realities of weaning oneself off highly addictive drugs --- there are so many topics touched upon here, and every one of them demands our attention equally. It is a testament to Bond’s desire to tell a true story that makes this one so memorable. It stands out from so many other memoirs thanks to her clarion call of a writing voice.

While not exactly an easy summer read, BLOOD ORANGE NIGHT is hard to put down. I highly recommend that readers give themselves over to Bond’s amazing journey.

Reviewed by Jana Siciliano on June 24, 2022

Blood Orange Night: A Memoir of Insomnia, Motherhood, and Benzos
by Melissa Bond

  • Publication Date: August 1, 2023
  • Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction
  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Gallery Books
  • ISBN-10: 1982188286
  • ISBN-13: 9781982188283