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Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America

Review

Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America

Author and activist Nefertiti Austin (ETERNITY, ABANDON) recounts her struggles in childhood and her victories as a determined black woman who chose to adopt two children, presenting revelations about the subtleties of institutional racism as it affects black mothers and their kids.

Austin was raised for a time by her parents, both of whom battled with poverty and addiction. When those demons got the better of them, she and her brother were taken in by their grandparents in an arrangement that she cites as traditional among black families, “calling back to the multigenerational family unit of pre-colonial Africa” and extending into American life because of the many uncertainties and necessities forced on blacks in the years of sharecropping and northern migration. Austin was a bright child, and her grandparents had a stable life, but she never got over her ambivalence about marriage and motherhood imprinted by her relationship with her parents.

"Austin shares valuable lessons, not only about race and culture, but also about adoption in general, single-parent adoption, family cohesion, and the exhausting demands of mothering."

In her 30s, finding no suitable mate, Austin made a study of formal adoption, discovering that it was less common among blacks because of the extended “family adoption” patterns. She then took classes and eventually connected with her first adopted child, a baby boy she named August.

Raising August brought to light many racial stereotypes. Austin found repeated occasions when she had to remind the boy that, because of his skin color, he would be treated differently from others. It was a portentous era that included the headline murders of Trayvon Martin and other black men, and the election of America’s first black president. Austin clearly saw how much is taken for granted, and forgiven, for whites that would be condemned in a black person. For example, when Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter just happened to get pregnant, there was little comment in the press. Had that been one of the Obama daughters, Austin asserts, there would have been ruinous, race-tinged accusations.

Austin adopted a daughter she named Cherish, and helped both children grapple with cultural limitations and expectations imposed on black people: August would be thought of as hypermasculine, Cherish would be vulnerable to racial and sexual microaggression. Both would be considered less attractive, less smart, “less everything.” Helping to prove to them that they are loved and lovable is the challenge she has readily accepted.

Austin shares valuable lessons, not only about race and culture, but also about adoption in general, single-parent adoption, family cohesion, and the exhausting demands of mothering. MOTHERHOOD SO WHITE, with its exploration of three generations of black American family lore, comprises a sociological survey with threads leading to other significant issues. Most importantly, it can serve as an inspiration as well as a sagely considered advisory for anyone embarking on the path to adoption.

Reviewed by Barbara Bamberger Scott on September 26, 2019

Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America
by Nefertiti Austin

  • Publication Date: September 24, 2019
  • Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction
  • Hardcover: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks
  • ISBN-10: 1492679011
  • ISBN-13: 9781492679011